Drifting From Success/Analyzing Success

“A professional is not just someone who is good; they know why they are good.”

“I want all you young sales people to listen to Marty. I USED TO DO everything he is teaching today.” – Comment from “Sparky”, an older salesperson at a training program in Charlotte, NC.

Drifting from Success

“I used to do…”. Unprompted, “Sparky” stood up in front of 20 people on the team and basically confessed that: “This stuff works”, “I know because it helped me make sales”, and “I stopped doing it.” Is he alone in this kind of lapse or have almost all of us done something similar in our personal and professional lives? I think you know how I’m going to answer that question. If you reflect on your life experience you will see that for periods of time you engaged in some practices and routines that worked for you and supported your goals.

These could have been in the areas of:

• Self-Care (fitness, sleep, nutrition, stress management)
• Financial Planning
• Maintaining Relationships
• Time Management
• Productivity Techniques
• Spiritual Practice
• Personal Improvement
• Career Strategies

They could include simple activities such as:

• Keeping a journal
• Setting up time for reflection/gratitude
• Regular check-ins with family/romantic partner
• Blocking off time for strategic thinking
• Scheduling networking activities
• Time in nature
• Taking breaks
• Boundaries around screen time
• Putting away your phone,as well as dozens of other practices that make a positive difference.

“Drifting from Success” implies that even though these simple behaviors were useful we find one day, like Sparky, that we abandoned them. I refer to this a “drift” because I’ve never met anyone who consciously decided, “I know this is working and I’m going to stop doing it anymore.” In reality, these practices gradually slip away. What causes “drift” and what can we do about it?

• Overcommitting
• Addictions
• The Law of Gradual Change/Minimums
• Analyzing Success

1. Overcommitting

Since “everything we say Yes to, we say No to something else,” overcommitting can often squeeze out some of these positive practices. Many people I coach are overcommitted (as are their families), It’s easy to do. So many requests for your time. So many things in your personal and professional life seem worthwhile to do. They are worthwhile if you really had the time. Often, we take on too much because:

• We have a difficult time saying No
• We underestimate how much time an activity really takes:

1. Kids traveling soccer team (add the tournaments and after game celebrations)
2. School/Church committees
3. Leading a company task force

• We underestimate what’s already on our plates

1. Challenges/travel arrangements at work
2. Being down head count
3. Romantic partners responsibilities
4. Childcare/elder care

If any of this describes you, what to do?

• Learn the techniques of saying no (see A Woman’s Guide to Power, Presence and Protection, chapter 15: Control Your Calendar and Commitments) and setting boundaries.
• Seriously consider unraveling/ “walking back” some of your commitments.
• Don’t give a quick “Yes” to anything until you scope out how much time are you realistically committing.

2. Addictions

Sustained high levels of stress leave us more vulnerable to forming addictions. When most people hear that term, they think of drugs and alcohol but “stimulation” addictions are way more prevalent.

• Stimulation addictions:
  • Gambling/spending
  • Sex/pornography
  • “Devices”

If we judge by the number of new books on this subject or the parent’s lawsuits against companies like Meta for “addicting” children, addiction to devices is rampant. Time spent, scrolling on and on, constant checking, inappropriate use (at meetings, dinners, dates, discussions) all add up to bad practices squeezing out good habits. If it was hard to have some family or friend dinners before, now it’s hard to have one where people are not on their devices or checking them.

What to do?

• Finding positive ways to reduce stress always helps
• “Device discipline” to support better sleep or to allow you to be fully present
• Get honest, factual feedback about your usage from the people around you, or the devices themselves.
• Educate yourself about addiction. (See books: Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence by Anna Lembke, MD.; Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked by Adam Adler; Hidden Brain Podcasts: The Paradox of Pleasure; The Path to Enough

3. The Law of Gradual Change

The Law of Gradual Change is that we rarely notice gradual change. This is a major reason for “drift” that I’ve written about in previous articles (see The Minimums System; Clearing a Path Towards Health and Happiness). The absolute best way to eliminate these “drifts” in your life is to set up your customized Minimum System. With that in place you may miss your routine for a week or two but you won’t abandon it for months or years.

4. Analyzing Success

“A professional is not just someone who is good, they know why they are good.”

Because the professional has taken the time to “crack the code “on success, he or she now has a template which can be replicated. This is just the first of many advantages that accrue to people who focus on learning from success. Few of us devote the time and energy to this process commensurate with the payoffs.

In my seminars, over many years, I’ve asked thousands of participants this question. In your life, have you learned more from your failures or your successes? I’ve never had anyone say “successes.” The reason is failure hurts, sometimes humiliates, and always grabs our attention. We spend a lot of time thinking (dwelling) on what happened; why? how can I prevent or avoid this in the future? What happens when things go well for us? We’re happy; maybe we celebrate. Rarely does the average person have the same urgency and intensity to uncover what happened. And yet “success” has incredibly valuable information that is not contained in failure.

Before I explain all the ways you can leverage “success” learnings, let me give you a vivid example from one of my consulting assignments. In 2012 I was doing coaching and consulting for a large media/entertainment company. The president of one of their channels asked me to do a combination team building/strategic planning session with his senior team to kick off 2013. I knew that the channel had some outstanding results in 2012 so I asked if they would be willing to spend 45 minutes reflecting on what went well in 2012 and why. They wound up staying in their small groups for 1 ½ hours and came back with lots of actionable tips. One group shared this example:

 “In 2012 at our first team meeting we made a list of everything we would NOT do this year. This saved us so much time and helped stay focused. Every time during the year, when someone would bring up one of these topics we would remind them that we agreed that this was not a priority in 2012.”

What they also realized (which was one of my main goals in having them do this activity) was that even though this practice was so effective, they FORGOT they did it and were about to neglect to include it in 2013 planning.

Before we get into the “how to’s,” here are the 5 main “payoffs” and uses of Analyzing Success.

1. Replicate – When you discover the key steps and processes you “stamp in” the learning and have a much higher chance of replicating this success in your life.
2. Share /Teach – Once you have the template you can share it with others who are striving for similar goals.
3. Effective Self Promotion – For people who know they need to do more self-promotion but don’t want to appear to brag, Analyzing Success gives them an effective option. Put all the information you have gathered and the potential implications under the umbrella of “Organizational Learning.” While mentioning what was achieved put the major emphasis on what was learned and how that learning could benefit the broader organization.
4. Recognition/High Performing Teams – Research on high performing teams records 2.7 times as many comments reflecting recognition and/or appreciation, as you would find on average teams. If you make Analyzing Success a standard practice your teams will be sharing what’s working and why. This naturally, authentically leads to a recognition culture.
5. Insight into your Strengths, Potential and Values – If I asked you to describe your greatest professional achievement; what you are most proud of; and you explained what contributed to these results, we would both learn a lot about your talents and also what gives you meaning.

If I have convinced you to carve out more time to reflect on your successes, how do you do that? Actually, there is no one set way to do it. You can ask about “best practices”, “lessons learned”, “what went well and why”? The key is to make sure you are getting down to the sometimes little, small steps that mattered. The best way to make this a part of how you operate is to make it automatic. Team meetings might start with each person sharing what’s going well and why. When something goes well in your life e.g.

• you had a conflict with someone that was resolved in a win/win way
• you gave a presentation with more than your usual confidence
• you hit your budget at work or home, take the time, after you celebrate to reflect on what worked.

Another great habit to develop, good for you and the people around you, is to do this for others. When someone in your network (personal or professional) does something well, encourage them to reflect on “why” and what they learned from this success that they want to remember, repeat and feel proud about.

Reflection Questions

1. Are there currently any positive routines that you have “drifted” away from?
2. What are some specific ways you can add the practice of “Analyzing Success”?